Almost every day, I have the urge to write about something, but when it actually comes to getting to a point where I can write it down, inevitably I’ve forgotten about it.
So I’m putting this down on digital paper with my digital pencil whilst I remember.
This post is not a review of 2011. I’m sure you want to know about what’s happened in my life in 2011: like how I survived yet another round of redundancies at work, or how I managed to make it onto Santa’s Naughty list for farting in bed; but that isn’t what this is about. I’ve already told you what I wanted to share: either on Google+, Facebook, Diaspora* or StatusNet. If you missed that, then… well… tough. Quite frankly.
No… this post is about where I am at this point in time. Where Dave Lee finds himself at one minute to midnight on the last calendar day of two thousand and eleven.
Physically, I’m sat sitting here on the floor of my living room, with my netbook on a teddy bear stool, typing this drivel.
Mentally, you’re probably better off not knowing.
Spiritually, that’s a different post, for a different blog, for a different day. Let me know if you want to read that one.
Emotionally, I’ve never been in a better place than I have been recently. I have a wonderful family: a beautiful wife to whom I’ve been married for 10 unforgettable years (although I can’t remember most of it), two gorgeous daughters who mean the absolute world to me; all three of you make my life complete. Thank you x
But that’s led me to think about how I got here. No, not “when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much…” but more where my life choices and circumstances have taken me from where I have been to where I am right now.
It has always been my belief that where you’ve been and what you’ve done makes you who you are. I like who I am, and I can’t really think of anything I’d want to change. Other opinions, of course, are available.
But when you think of what I’ve been through in the last 39¼ years (hold on with the violins there, buster!) how on earth can things be so great for me now?
I could look back on my life over the last 20 years with despair, regret, disappointment and embarrassment.
I could, but I won’t.
Because absolutely everything that happened in my childhood, young adult life, 1993 (which was about the time I really grew the heck up), my time of serially failing relationships, my life changing in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined in 1999… everything good, everything bad, everything light, everything dark…absolutely everything…
… has brought me to where I am today.
I can’t look back on 1984 with regret.
I can’t look back on 1993 with despair.
I can’t look back on 1994-8 with embarrassment.
No, instead I look fondly on the bad times in my life, and I look gratefully on the good times in my life.
If one single thing… one decision… one circumstance… one second had been changed, my life could have turned out totally different.
This is a concept which both fills me with joy, and scares the hell out of me. How easily it would have been to make another choice at another point in time, and my whole life would have taken a totally different path from that point onwards?
How mind-blowing is that?
- to the guys who beat me up in school
- to the girls who dumped me
- to the man who did things I don’t want to discuss, ever
- to the lass who was the catalyst to the darkest time of my life
- and many, many others
… I am eternally grateful. I will always look back at every one of you with fondness and love. And yes, I remember all of you.
- to my parents for everything they ever did
- to my wife for blessing me with such an amazing family
- to my children for filling me with joy
- to my family who have always been there for me, even if I haven’t for them
- to my friends, you should all know who you are
… thank you. You all have an important place in my life and my heart.
You have made me who I am.
Although I don’t have as much faith as you do, I’d be interested to read your post on your spirituality.
I agree wholeheartedly with what you’ve said. *Everything* about you says something about where you’ve been, and everything you’ve done says something about where you’re going. For good or for ill, you can’t change anything that’s gone before you.
May 2012 be a great year for all four of you, and thanks again for being a great friend.